i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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