One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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