This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
