No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
