just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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