I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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