This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i have two assholes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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