That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
