I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
