My liver just broke up with me...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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