When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I didn't notice because vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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