a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
