Just fell off a train. Bad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think my moral compass just broke
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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