Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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(631): View more from New York

It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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(845): View more from New York

Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.

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(904): View more from Florida

Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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(254): View more from Texas

I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers

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(310): View more from California

I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.

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