she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
