one two three fourrrrnication!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
