yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
