make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
