Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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