i love accidental penises.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
