So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
