wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it because I queefed?
this just has baby written all over it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
