first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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