just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
