So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
