I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
