guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
