I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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