also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i think i just lost a toe
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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