Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
