he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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