Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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