dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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