I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
