im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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