i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
