nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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