she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
