Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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