your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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