Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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