At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
