I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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