i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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