I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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