you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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