so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
