please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
