new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
