I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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